RELATIONSHIPS HAVE TRAFFIC LIGHTS TOO- PAY ATTENTION TO THE RED LIGHT!

15 WARNING SIGNS TO DATING A DISASTER:

When you start dating someone, it's very easy to overlook the warning signs. Your lost in that lust and the euphoria of just meeting that person. The good attributes of the person have been highlighted and you are lost in whatever has attracted you to the person that you don't pay attention to the warning signs that are trying to show you that things are just not right. Yet what you don't know is that this later leads you to a broken heart in the near or distant future. Warning signs are important, they signify the potential toxic and unhealthy relationship.

If you find yourself having to change who you are to prevent that person to get angry, get easily offended or have some type of unwanted characteristic, then take heed in that and see it as it is. It's not a real relationship and it's not healthy.

TEMPER TANTRUMS

Everyone may have them once in a while. It's normal to get upset or angry but it's the way we go about it that signals danger signs or flashing red lights that say, get out while you can! Observe how your partner reacts to stress, things going wrong, or deals with a negative aspect of their past. Constant swearing, banging on things, throwing items, or derogatory insults. First off, no matter how upset someone gets there is no excuse for disrespecting or calling your partner out of their name. This signals a need for anger management and poor self-control and can later lead to emotional or physical abuse that  no-one on this earth deserves.

SAY NO TO DRUGS!

If you know that this person has had a bad past of drug use, there is a potential risk for this person to relapse in the future so you will need to be prepared and ask yourself if this is so, will you be able to handle or deal with the heartache you may face later. As you know, drug or substance dependence individuals are the most selfish individuals and have no remorse or a care in the world as to how it affects their loved ones including their children. They will put you through a world of pain and the fact that they would let something (a substance that is only doing harm to them) become numero uno before you or your family which is harder to take in and very painful. And if your in the same category, let me tell you, two individuals are are dependent on drugs may be fun now but later will pose huge issues and traumatic situations. Fix your issue before you get into a relationship because people change and you may not end up in the same level later on, which will again pose more problems and a short spanned relationship.

TOO MUCH PRIVACY

Trust is very important but when someone has a problem giving you passwords or has to walk away to text or talk to someone, you may have a problem in your hands. Trust has to be built especially in this world today.

OPEN YOUR EARS TO HIS FRIENDS, FAMILY and EXES

Believe it or not, it may sound very wrong or weird but if you have multiple exes contacting you or happen to cross by them and they let you know the ins and outs of their ex (your partner), it is likely that it is actually true and though you may feel you are special enough for that not to happen or take place in your relationship, its not necessarily true, habits and repeated situations pose a big warning sign. If he cheated on his exes he supposedly loved, the chance of him cheating on you is pretty high. If he had drug issues, was abusive, if he hasn't paid his child support since his last divorce, maybe his friends have told you he has been a certain way since they met him 10 years ago, most likely you are going to have the same issues and more than likely its very true. You will learn alot of things through close ones.

Maybe not while the relationship is fresh but his inner twin will come out to play sooner or later. It can't hide forever. Some things becomes repetition and habits are habits. They will sooner or later come out. You have to see it as it looks and really take it into consideration. You will thank yourself later I promise. Besides you don't want to have a baby with someone who hasn't been responsible or been a good role model to their other children for example. Your future babies will pay for your bad judgement.

GIVING TOO MUCH

Do you catch yourself giving more than you recieve. I don't just mean materialistically, I mean overall in general. Are you always the one that puts your pride aside to sit down and talk to your mate to solve issues? Do you seem to buy them things yet never get anything gifted to you? Are you the only one remembering your anniversaries or special occasions? Maybe you are giving way more forgiveness than you should. Giving too much in any department of your relationship is not normal. If you catch yourself giving more emotions, time and money into the relationship this is yet another sign to look forward to. I am embarrased to say that even I have been guilty of this. Giving too much into the relationship sooner or later wears you out and you start questioning if this person is selfish, a moocher, a user or just to used to getting everything their way.

TRUST CAN BE YOUR ENEMY OR YOUR FRIEND

I know you have all heard this quote somewhere on a social networking site or google. It is very true. Trust is earned at a 100% when you first meet but once you lose that trust it does take a long time to gain it because when you lose trust it makes you question so much. Your worth, the love, the stability of the relationship and more. Its very possible that trust can be built back up but if it's at the point where your in constant anxiety, worry or pain and it's eating you up more than your able to enjoy the relationship, maybe it's time to step back and question whether you want to live your life like that from this day on especially if the moment you do trust and break that wall down and they keep adding bricks to that wall. It's almost pointless and real love is trusting. Without trust a relationship will indeed crash and burn. And if they haven't given you a reason not to trust but you still have trust issues than that is a sign that you have some things to work on before you commit yourself into another relationship. You don't want to ruin a relationship that could potentially be the one and bring you complete happiness.

EVERYDAY BATTLES

Another sign of an unhealthy relationship that a lot of people overlook is constant fighting. Now, every relationship has its bumps, especially if you two are living together, but if you're always fighting with him over the smallest things and you are frequently being picked at by him or her, that might not be a good relationship to be in. Remember, the good times should outweigh the bad times, not the other way around. Relationships are meant to be enjoyed and be an enrichment. I don't know about you but I'd rather be in heaven not hell.

COMMUNICATION!

When you’re in love, communication helps open up both your minds and creates a better bond. Do both of you spend your evenings watching your favorite telly shows after work, and hardly talk about anything with each other? It may seem like a perfect way to relax after a tiring and long day. Another sign involves no communication. Can you walk into a room and not say anything at all to your partner for hours? That's not a relationship! You want to be able to share with your partner and communicate so you can understand eachother more, know eachother's needs and know them as a person. You won't know about your partner in one day but you won't know anything about them if you don't communicate. If they can't act mature during a serious conversation and have to break down to baby antics or toddler behavior, that's where you need to say enough is enough. Communication is huge, you should be able to communicate about finances, problems, emergencies and the future without breaking into a mortal combat scene. It takes maturity to get through the hard times and be there as a team to get through whatever is occuring, good or bad. Over time, this lack of communication will disconnect both of you from each other. And soon enough, both of you won’t have anything to share with each other because your minds and ideas are so far apart.

TEXTING HABITS

Ok, so we all know people have lives. There is work (some that won't allow telephone communication and those that allow it). First off, if a guy or girl is really interested in you and is a bit crazy for you, he or she will find a way to text you even if it breaks the rules to some degree. They will want to check their phones to see if they heard from you. Now don't get me wrong there are some that are just not an electronics type of person but we all know technology has pretty much took over the majority of our personal communication skills. So saying all this here are some of the warning signs:

1) They don't text you back---- No more said on this. Don't keep texting them after you haven't heard from them in days. First off, it makes you look desperate and second, if they wanted to get a hold of you, they would find a way even with phone problems.

2) They go days without texting you than text you out of nowhere acting as if not communicating with your for days didn't exist. It either means they were seeing someone else during that time and finally had the time to text you or they just really don't care and happened to be bored.

3) All they do is text but don't call you to talk to you personally.

I GOT YOUR BACK

I don't know about you but I got my partners back at all times. Now I'm realistic about this though. If they are wrong, you have to keep it real but do it maturely. Getting your back is always being there when your sad, upset, when people are attacking you or hurting you in anyway and defending your loved ones. While family members put them down, friends, exes, or business partners, your there like defense. Your there when they need a shoulder to cry on, maybe a trip to the hospital, they happen to be going through some emotional problems, etc. Your there and there is nothing that will stop you. If they are not defending you or being there for you that poses alot of questions and honestly not a good sign at all and tells alot about the person. That is not love.

SOUL SUCKERS

Did you ever hear of emotional vampires? These unseemly characters thrive while sucking the energy and life out of others. If you feel like you are in a relationship that is draining your energy and leaves you feeling exhausted and spent, there is rarely a happy ending.

 

 

 

THEY DON"T "GET IT" ITS ALWAYS YOUR FAULT

If you are involved with someone who tends to blame you for their anger and problems, and you spend too much energy either defending yourself or trying to be understood, stop expecting the light bulb to turn on. It will only dim yours. After all, no one can make sense out of nonsense. If they can't take responsibility there is just something that isn't clicking upstairs and if they can't accept it than it's almost like talking or being with a brick wall. It will always be your fault, even if your actions is due to their actions.

I'M SPECIAL ENOUGH TO CHANGE THEM MENTALITY

In unhealthy relationships, the focus is more about changing others rather than working on changing yourself. In a mutually respectful relationship, you won’t be trying to mold someone into your ideal person. When you do that, it becomes more about you than the other person, and becomes a recipe for chronic relationship unhappiness. In healthy relationships, people are respected for who they are, and are not anyone else’s “project.” If they have issues especially the same issues for years, most likely they aren't going anywhere unless they first accept they have the issues and then decide they really want to work on it to make a better future for your relationship and their lives in general. You can't fix anyone, only they can or a higher power. Let it go and just accept it. Your focus should be you and not them. You will lose yourself which will make two lost individuals and that's a recipe for disaster.

THE MOOCH AND THE WORKAHOLIC

THE MOOCH

A person may not work for many reasons, it could be because they have been way to spoiled, enabled, maybe they are just used to hustling or worked in the sex industry and have never worked a day in their lives due to the temptation of easy money. Either way there is no excuse. If you catch yourself being the only one always having to work hard to support your family or living, reminding your partner to find a job, constantly arguing because they procrastinate and are lazy, good luck! They may even think they are actually working because they feel they can come up with something that will make you millions while you take up almost two jobs to fill his spot until his miraculous money making project comes to life (if it ever does). Find out their past career and their work history. It will save you money and your time!

THE WORKAHOLIC

He eats, sleeps, breathes his job. You believe he's simply a dedicated doctor, a hard working delivery man, a brilliant salesman. You admire his work ethic almost feel intimidated productive wise. But it's not the same as working hard; a workaholic concentrates on being busy, rather than being productive. Bottom line: Career issues distract him from relationships, outside interests, even health concerns. Better to concentrate on your own career, rather than trying to compete with his.

EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE

 Everyone feels they can help people. Truthfully and sadly you just can't unless they want to be saved. They have to do their own leg work. Realistically any smart mature person would get this under control before they get into a relationship but there are people who use being in a relationship as a crutch to fill whatever emotional problems they have inside. Problem is those things sooner or later come out of the grave they were hiding in and end up haunting the relationship. I am a christian and I believe God can do remarkable things but again God gives us free will and resources on this earth to escape situations and circumstance. You can pray, hope and have faith that this person is going to get better or change but it takes steps and if they are in denial of their own problems and don't take steps to seek help as much as they say they will change and try to do better at controlling it themselves, unfortunately it doesn't work that way without throwing your hand out for help. You will end up bearing all their problems, all their issues, all the mood swings, soaking up every ounce of pain, hurt, emotion that is evaporating in the air near you or around you. Save yourself from that burden. Yes you may love them but you have to be realistic and if you see nothing being done, you need to love yourself enough to separate yourself from them until they do wake up or for good.

THE PATHOLOGICAL LIAR

Lies lies and more lies! One can be forgiven but if your constantly stuck in a world winds of stories and lies brought on by your partner that is HUGE, head for the hills!! Especially if he lies to you from the get go such as how old he really is. It may be a small lie but if they will lie about something so small imagine what big things they are keeping from you or lying about. Put the breaks on and keep it trucking! 

The term, “liar, liar pants on fire” takes on new meaning when dealing with a pathological liar. This person may not be completely rooted in reality, believing the lies they tell, often in an effort to remedy low self esteem. Unlike telling a few fibs here and there, or slightly exaggerating the truth once in a while, the pathological liar lies about literally every aspect of his or her life. From how much was spent on shopping to what they do for work, the pathological liar feels that every bit of communication has strategic meaning positioned for his or her gain.

Being lied to on a consistent basis is not only frustrating but also disrespectful to the other person. So how do you determine if you're dealing with someone who may drop a few fibs on occasion versus a true pathological liar?Well tune into my next blogs coming up and I'll tell you how to spot one exactly.

LOVE, RESPECT, AND BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!

If you dated someone that has shown all the above, I am sorry to say but maybe you may be the red light that someone should have stopped at. When you love yourself, you won't allow these things.  So start building that self esteem up, realize your worth and realize you deserve so much better in life. A relationship can break you or make you. Loving yourself shields you from being broken. Loving yourself will save you from a universe of pain. If you're anything like me, the minute you commit yourself to a partner, everything starts to revolve around him or her. You want to make sure you meet his or her needs, but you're also unconsciously always thinking of ways to make him or her happy. You genuinely like striving to be the perfect partner. Totally understandable. But while you're submerging yourself in the life of this other person or consumed on how to help them or having high hopes of them turning around, you may not be making yourself when that is suppose to be #1.

 IS THIS YOU?

If you are the person that is described in these areas, you also need to learn to love yourself because doing all these things make you who are you and why on God's earth do you want to be this type of person. This person only hurts, causes pain to the ones they love and it will give you nothing but superficial friends and people who are on your same level which in turn will cause you a world of drama too. Karma is a vicious circle. What you put out, will always come back to bite you in the butt.

FOR THE VICTIM:

Stop ignoring the signs. They are there for a reason and it's to prevent you from hurt. Unfortunately some people have to learn the hard way but you don't have to. God provides signs, the universe provides signs and they are there to guide and help you. Love is not suppose to hurt. It overcomes and conquers all that includes temptations. If someone loves you, their last thought on earth is to put you in an uncomfortable position to make you unhappy or hurt you in anyway. People make mistakes yes and it's not wrong to forgive but don't make it a three strikes your out deal. Your only hurting yourself and there is someone out there that will give you the time, love, affections and needs you desire. Stop seeking a frog that might be the prince and let him find you. 

ALICIA KEYS-- A WOMAN'S WORTH